I couldn’t do it alone anymore. Single mom burn out.

It’s the most terrifying thing in the world watching something you can’t control take hold over you and feeling powerless or paralysed by it. It’s a special kind of terrifying when a whole person is depending on you to break the cycle and show them what embodying love and grace looks like through it.
It hurt me for a long time reliving a lot of my childhood with divorced parents who could’t embody that love when they were out to hurt each other in their legal battles for my sister and I. I remember being torn in two feeling like I had to choose or to love one of them more. I found myself being a bridge to two grown adults at a young age. I was confused, hurt, and in the weirdest way.. angry. I swore I would never do that to my kids one day.
To now be a parent brings a whole new perspective. A lot of people do the best they can with what they have and for that I am at peace. I am proud. I understand more than ever that life isn’t linear. It’s not a yes or no, black or white kind of life. Bad things don’t always look bad. And everything good and horrible both start from the same size seed- every day you choose which to water and weather you want help sorting out the seeds or not.
My life changed when I started asking questions and I stopped settling. When I asked God to help me. When I asked why certain things happen. When I asked if He cared. I was met with the greatest love I have ever felt. I was given freedom. Suddenly I can’t help being so excited as I keep navigating the storm I’m still in- because it’s in MY weakness HE is strong. He has never NOT helped me when I put down my own heavy weights and actually *asked* for help. I want to shout it from the rooftops. He is good. You are good. He is love. And you are loved.
Thank you all for being here, watching us grow- and most importantly growing with us. Here’s to a new chapter. Heres to not doing it alone anymore. Here’s to needing help. Here’s to being PROUD to need help.
Thank you for the lessons you taught me Burn Out. But Allies back now.

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